And the Chirurgeons Won

by Friar Thomas Bacon (David Moreno)
Orignally published in the June 1991, A.S. XXVI issue of the Dragonflyre, a publication of the Barony of Vatavia.

And it came to pass that Vatavia and the self-proclaimed kingdom of Triatia went to war. In a last bid to maintain the peace they met to resolve their differences in the neutral shire of Spinning Winds.

On the morning of the appointed day the two forces met in an attempt to peacefully settle the conflict. A ball game based on the game of rounders was proposed. However, as the players came totally armed, it was not totally peaceful. The game was dubbed "Broadsword Ball" by its originators. It was renamed "Calvin ball" for the numerous rule changes that occurred during play. These changes nullified two Vatavian runs: the only runs scored.

Baron Gawain added to his legend during his one at bat. Upon hitting the ball Baron Gawain forgot to pick up his sword before running to first base. Sir Valens, who was guarding the baseline, expected him to go back to pick it up. He was surprised when Baron Gawain kept coming and nearly got passed him. At the last minute Sir Valens swung and got Baron Gawain’s legs. This did little to slow Baron Gawain as he continued to charge down the line on his knees. Just before Baron Gawain reached first base Count Tomeeki struck him across the shoulders resulting in Count Tomeeki being thrown out of the game for striking an unarmed man from behind. With the scored tied 0-0 the game ended with a bench clearing brawl in which Triatia drove Vatavia from the field. The war was on.

The afternoon was consumed in a battle in the woods. Outnumbered 34 to 64 the Vatavian forces fought valiantly, but were unable to muster a decisive force against the Triatian units. Vatavia lost not only her banner, but also the Triatian scepter that she had acquired last summer.

During the course of the battle, a seemingly minor incident occurred which would later loom large. The Triatian scepter had fallen over a ridge near Chirurgeon Point. Before the Chirurgeons could recover it, the scepter was claimed by a pair of Triatians. They carried it into the Chirurgeon Point, a designated dead zone. Shortly after their arrival, the Triatians left with the scepter back into battle.

Even as the battle raged, the Triatian military commander, Sir Chyrstopher Kensor, sensed that all was not as it should be, even with the battle going his way. He approached Baron Gawain and proposed a draw, which Baron Gawain readily accepted. The two forces gradually disengaged.

Elsewhere that afternoon, the Vatavian archers were battling their Triatian counterparts. Their efforts that afternoon were declared too close to call. A re-match was called for the next morning, during which the Vatavian archers clearly demonstrated their superiority.

In the Art and Sciences, Vatavian had no competition (Triatia did not submit any entries). However, Triatia could brag after having dominated the Bardic circle. It was said that His Lordship Lawrence and Baron Gawain’s rendition of the epic "Das Bus" had inadvertently driven away the Vatavian contingent.

With the war a stalemate, victory came down to the possession of the scepter. A last minute sighting sent a quickly assembled raiding party into Triatian territory, but they came up empty-handed. As the Shire of Spinning Winds called a meeting to determine who had possession, the Chirurgeons stepped forward with a startling claim.

In the battle the day before, the scepter had been carried into Chirurgeon Point and, because said point is a dead zone, dean men cannot carry items from the point. Thus, the scepter could not have been carried away from Chirurgeon Point and was, therefore, the property of the Chirurgeons.

It was then disclosed that a large hairy troll-like creature had made off with the scepter into the woods. A muttering of "Quest!" rippled through the populace. The Seneschal of Spinning Winds then proclaimed that the Chirurgeons deserved the victory.


Copyright © 1997 - present His Lordship Friar Thomas Bacon (David Moreno). All rights reserved.

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