Nine-Foot Spear

Words and Music: Ren Jie

Heart of stone, I’ll charge the foe alone
There is no fight from which I’ll take flight.
And when I die, lay my body on the pyre
And the flame in my soul will light the fire.

But when I go, please don’t let it be
At the end of a nine-foot spear
Oh, that’s the only weapon that I fear.

Come at me with a sword and shield
Wave a mace in my face, but I’ll never yield.
Any great sword or polearm tall,
Well, I’ll gladly stand up and be struck down by them all

But when I go, please don’t let it be
At the end of a nine-foot pole
Oh the damage from that weapon takes a toll.

Now, my sword is my favorite thing to wield
But it seems that every time I take the field
There’s some bloke with a nine-foot stick
Got his eyes on my jewels and then he hits me in the groin/cup/dick. (Sing according to audience, desired joke, and personal hardware.)

So when I go, please don’t let it be
At the end of a nine-foot lance.
Because I like where everything’s at in my pants.

Bridge:
You might think that I’m complaining just a bit
That I bear this weapon too much hate.
“Pick one up for yourself,“ I hear you say
Ah, but honestly, I got no need to compensate. [hip thrust/chest thrust]

Oh, so when I go, please don’t let it be.
At the end of a nine-foot spear.
Ah, that’s the only weapon that I fear.
Oh, save from that awful fate, my dear.
Ah, that’s the only weapon… that I fear.

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