Let me tell you a story 'bout a man named Charlie
When he signed his life away
He put a twenty in the mail, sent it off to California
and he joined the SCA
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He could wait forever for his first newsletter
he's the man who never returned
His first event, was down in the Grimfells,
or perhaps it was Deodar
All the lords & the ladies & the knights & the squires
said "That man is gonna go far"
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He said "This is the life, so goodbye to my wife"
he's the man who never returned
His next event, was called Valor Tourney
where he earned the Valor Sword
He cleared the fields of every contender
and he wasn't even breathing hard
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He's driving 'cross the land looking for some more rattan
he's the man who never returned
His third event, 'twas in Three Rivers
and there he became a lord
And before he knew he was a fyrdman too
by the virtue of his sword
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
All the time remaining he spends in training
he's the man who never returned
By number four, he'd earned even more,
he had his own barony
He was now known as Huscarl, Squire, Baron, Lord Charlie
OLM and OCC
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He found the hardest fightin' was reports that needed writin'
he's the man who never returned
At number five, it came as no surprise
when Charlie became a knight
With seventeen ladies hanging on his collar
it was also an eventful night
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
With 17 ladies in a 2 man pup tent
he's the man who never returned
His sixth event, 'twas in Standing Stones
at the Colloquium
Before he left, he was handed a Laurel
Earl Marshal and a Pelican
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He could spend twenty years in meetings with the peers
he's the man who never returned
Sir Charlie said, he'd won every honor
he'd earned most everything
"Well, Crown list is tomorrow down in Bois d'Arc shire
I'll try my hand at king"
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He could drive forever looking for Walnut, Kansas
he's the man who never returned
Well, the field down in Bois d'Arc was wet & was marshy
and there Charlie met his end
The last we could spy was his sword held high
as he sank beneath the fen
Oh will he ever return, oh no he'll never return
and his fate is still unlearned
He could fight forever beneath the swamps of Bois d'Arc
he's the man who never returned
He could fight forever beneath the swamps of Bois d'Arc
he's the man who never returned
